Category Archives: Humor

Arrrrgh! Day 11 of 120 Finished.

Happy Talk like a Pirate Day! I seriously thought about doing this entire post in pirate speak. Just because I can and I would find it to be very amusing.

So today was Day 11 and Flow was the scheduled workout for the day. That is finished, it went well. I almost biffed it once and that was it. Not to shabby! The only frustrating things is some of the poses literally make my fat rolls pinch me and my big freaking chest get in the way.  At least those are issues that will improve over time. So no need to worry about it. I have to pick my battles.

Along with it being Talk Like a Pirate Day it is Pat’s birthday. Emma choose for us to make him the Chocolate Chess Pie I mentioned in yesterday’s blog (here). I am not allowed to cut into it. Emma said that I can’t touch it until after her and her dad have dessert together.  So the pic and recipe will have to happen either tonight or tomorrow. The dinner she chose for the evening is creamy chicken enchiladas. I have never made them before and literally eaten them twice in my life. When I make enchiladas I make them authentic. After looking up a recipe I saw that they are basically made up of a bunch of processed food thrown together. I went and bought everything I could to make them as clean as possible.

So for dinner I will not be eating exactly 100% clean but it is a birthday and my DD really wanted to make these things for him. I will be okay with 80% clean. After dinner I am attending a wine walk. The wine will of course not be clean. I don’t care. I haven’t had a glass of wine in forever it seems. So I will have 16 samples tonight on the walk. If I am walking while drinking wine does it count as exercise??

And in pirate…….

So this day was Day 11 ‘n Flow was th’ scheduled sword fight fer th’ day. That be finished, it went well. I almost biffed it once ‘n that was it. Not to shabby! th’ only frustratin’ thin’s be some ‘o th’ poses literally make me fat rolls pinch me ‘n me big freakin’ chest get in th’ way. At least them be issues that gunna improve over the hour. So no need to worry ’bout it. I have to pick me battles. Along wit’ it bein’ speak Like a scurvy pirate Day it be Pat’s birthday. Emma choose fer us to make him th’ Chocolate Chess Pie I mentioned in yesterday’s blog (here). I be not allowed to cut into it. Emma said that I ain’t touch it ’til after her ‘n her salty sea-sea monster ‘o a dad have dessert together. So th’ pic ‘n recipe gunna have to happen either t’night or to’morrow. th’ dinner she chose fer th’ evenin’ be creamy chicken enchiladas. I have never made them before ‘n literally eaten them twice in me life. When I make enchiladas I make them authentic. After lookin’ up a recipe I saw that they be basically made up ‘o a bunch ‘o processed grub thrown together. I went ‘n bought everythin’ I could to make them as spit shine as possible. So fer dinner I gunna not be eatin’ exactly 100% spit shine but it be a birthday ‘n me DD really wanted to make these thin’s fer him. I gunna be okay wit’ 80% spit shine. After dinner I be attendin’ a meed swim. th’ meed gunna ‘o course not be spit shine. I don’t care. I haven;t had a glass ‘o meed in forever it seems. So I gunna have 16 samples t’night on th’ swim. If I be sailin’ while drinkin’ meed does it count as exercise??

Paranoia

These pregnancy hormones are for lack of a better word a bitch. I am now finding myself going through fits of paranoia. Twice now today.

1. Pat told me he has to go out-of-town to meet with important clients and the carpet guys are coming in the am. Why is it freaking me out that I will be in the house alone with them?

2. I was just sitting here in my chair in the living room, like I do every evening. All of a sudden I see a reflective light in the backyard right outside the window and movement. Of course I stared for a minute and tried to figure out what the hell I was seeing. all of a sudden “OH MY GOD IT’S A MAN!!!!!” pops into my head. So I in a mild panic tell Pat that I think there is a man in our backyard. He jumps up and of course goes to check on the situation. Before he can finish grabbing out “personal protection device” I tell him I think it is a bird feeder. He still goes and checks with the “personal protection device” while he wandered to the back patio door I look out the window. IT IS A BIRD FEEDER! Yes, a bird feeder being violently whipped around by the wind and the light from inside the house is reflecting off it just right. I wish I had my phone by me so I could snapped a picture.

Maybe I need more sleep? HAHAHA!

Update on Yesterday and I Have Legs!

Everything turned out to be just fine. I did not figure there was much to worry about and neither did the doctor. But better safe than sorry. We sat there for almost 6 hours just to see a doctor for a total of five minutes and get an ultrasound that took 15 minutes. I think my biggest risks were hypothermia because it was two degrees in the hospital and starvation. I missed lunch and had been forced into a late dinner.  But alas, I did not starve or freeze to death so all is good with the world.  After my wonderful stay I found out I have a bruised abdomen, they gave me a Tylenol and told me to control my dog. For the past few weeks I have been talking about how I would get Tico a Thundershirt so his antics don’t send me toppling over once I am bigger but maybe we need to get one sooner.

Tico says the Thundershirt will bring him almost as much shame as wearing my blonde wig did. Poor Tico, the cats shall mock him.

The best part of the visit is when they took me to Ultrasound, for some reason I was not allowed to walk there and was pushed there on a hospital bed. being it was so freaking cold I was laying there with my legs crossed under the sheet. The nurse pushed me past a woman and her four kids. They all thought is was so sad and tragic that I had no legs below the knee. Interrupting their “private” conversation about my lack of lower legs and telling them indeed I do have a full set of legs may have been the right thing to do. It was to entertaining so I let them continue on as I laughed and was pushed down the hallway.

On another note. Pat is almost finished with the basement (the yucky smell is almost gone!) so the workout area will be good to go again soon. So, hopefully this 24 hour a day sickness will pass and I can get back on the horse. Gotta to shape back up for The Zombie Dash!

P.S. After seeing yesterday’s blog I noticed I SUCK at blogging via phone and may just avoid that.

I love Google

I went to my stats page just a couple of minutes ago. I get a kick out of some of the search terms people use to land upon my blog. Today’s best one was……

should fat people do les mills

More often than not the terms fat people, obese, and fun things like that. So to answer that question, yes, fat people like me should do Les Mills, as well as skinny and average people. No one gets thinner, fitter or improves themselves by doing nothing. We all have to start somewhere. Les Mills or whatever venture you choose.

I got my disk of Color Run Photos, I am going through them tonight and figuring what ones are usable. apparently cameras with view finders confuse people and there are lots of “half” shots. Look forward to seeing them tomorrow!

I assume if it has to have been Googled before to show up. Am I right?

The things that children say

Warning: Non-fitness related post 🙂

Sometimes I wonder where my kid comes up with the stuff that comes out of her mouth. Some things embarrassing, some hilarious and some down right disturbing. I love that kids have no filter (sometimes). For those of you on my personal Facebook page you already saw today’s interesting kid story. So sorry for the repetition.

While I was outside cleaning the kiddie pool Emma came and grabbed me…

E: Mom!! Tico is eating all the baby bunnies!!
Me: What?! Okay I will go get him

When I got over to the rabbit hole there was nothing but blood and fur left and Tico was licking his chops.

Me: No Tico, quit killing the baby bunnies!!
E: He can’t help it, he has to protect the cabbage in the garden.
Me: Sorry you saw that Emma.
E: You know dogs are carnivores right?

Moral of the story is I do not have a squeamish little girl.

She wants to go hunting with her dad one day, loves bugs, knows where her meat comes from and has no problem with that. I never saw the point in lying when she asked me so many years ago. I am glad she understands and respects the god old Circle of Life. LOL!

Whew, it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

 

This marks the end of my second week doing Les Mills Pump Ultimate Cross Training and the beginning of week three. With as many mishaps, a back injury, missed workouts, some ultra-modified workouts (due to my back) and questionable food choices I was considering starting the week over but given my weigh and measure-in not being as terrible as I thought it would be I will let it slide and just keep moving along with the programs schedule.

Yesterday I missed my LMP (I did run, so it is better than nothing) because I went and spent the afternoon and early evening with a friend at the hospital, and that was far more important than my workout. After she stayed here and I made homemade chicken noodle soup and made sure she was okay. Her husband and parents are out-of-state so it was better for her not to be alone. Emma was also under the weather last night and this morning so I have the munchkin home from school. She is feeling better now, but it is the last week of school, no point in sending her in for the remainder of the day. She had a rough couple of days. My food intake was at par for the day though, could have used more water intake but eh, o well.

This week there should be nothing that can keep me from getting at it and  rocking this. I definitely am in far better spirits over my sub-par fitness week. I took some encouragement to get over the fact that things just happen and it is okay and that I can just get back on the horse and fix it. The circle of bloggers I have developed blog-friendships with here on WordPress are awesome.

So here are this weeks results:

  • Chest: 31.5 inches (-0.5 inches)
  • R Arm: 12 inches (-0 inches)
  • L  Arm: 12 inches (-0 inches)
  • Waist: 32 inches (-0 inches)
  • Hips: 41 inches (-0 inches)
  • R Thigh: 23.5 inches (-0 inches)
  • L Thigh: 23.5 inches (-0 inches)
  • Weight: 166 pounds (-1 pound)
  • Pant Size: 12
  • BMI: 29.4% (-0.1 %)
So yeah, not so bad! I was pleasantly surprised that there was no weight gain and made any progress at all. Yay! 😀
I was also nominated for a Sunshine Award by Lose it Big, I will post about that shortly.
Also, I saw this today and it had me in stitches.

I love this!

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Just a taste

of what it is like living with my six-year-old daughter, Emma. She does and says the strangest things. And she says that I am the crazy one? LOL

Here is tonight’s conversation:

While sitting in the tub, Emma: “I think I am late for school.”
Me: “You already went to school today.”
Emma: “No I didn’t I went to school yesterday.”
Me: “Emma, you went today, I promise you.”
Emma: “Mom you are crazy, I went yesterday, I am so late!”
Me: “It was today, it is still Monday.”
Emma: “Monday must be the longest day ever!”
Me: “You have no idea.”

I heart T-Rex

Just some funny T-Rex inspired cartoons. oh how I love Dino Humor!!

HAHAHA!

Someone used the term “big ass” and found my blog! Even Google thinks I am fat! (Just kidding!)

Image

Getting the hang of this and loving it.

What I look like running now!

So as you know I have been doing the C25K program, I have switched up the intervals a little bit just because my treadmill is a huge pain to program, but once the intervals are longer I can do it manually with ease so it won’t be so bad. My treadmill has an interval program so that is what I am using as of now. I have gotten faster in the past two weeks, adding an entire mile to my 30 minute time, that puts me at 2.5 miles. Next stop 3.1! And after that no intervals! Yep, I got this.

It is surprising to me how quickly I am able to pick this up. Especially seeing I am still overweight and not in suburb shape. I forget how much strength I have gained doing Pump, it has made trying so many new things

What I will look like running in July, maybe not that thin but that poised!

so much easier! I was able to do some yoga poses today that I have never been able to achieve, do 3 non-girly push ups (had to go to knees after but hey, it is huge for me!), and my hovers are greatly improving. Granted I am not near what I want to achieve but I am doing it! I know it takes time, I know I didn’t fall out of shape overnight.

81 days until The Color Run! All my team dropped but two (bums) but oh well, Sarah, Pat and I are going to rock it! Wondering if I should get different shoes to break in for the race so I don’t chance staining my pretty blue ones I love so much or just running in them and wearing the stains like a trophy? It is almost time for me to order running tutu supplies too! I’m getting excited! Can you tell!

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